


Per Aspera ad Astra

by Jennie



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Lucas Ripley Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-12 12:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jennie/pseuds/Jennie
Summary: Lucas may not be dead, but the hurt isn't over.  Yet amid the hurt, they plan the future.OR how season 2 might have ended and continued had Lucas been intubated.





	1. Chapter 1

She walks out of his hospital room with her head held high.  _This isn’t the end_ , she tells herself.  _He’s just in a coma_.  Their goodbyes sure felt final, though, and she can’t help the cascade of tears that flow down her cheeks as she walks out of the hospital.

 

Travis finds her a few minutes later.  “I’m not going to ask how you’re doing,” he says, sitting down on the edge of the bench with her.  “I’m just going to say that he’s alive.”

 

“For the moment,” she mutters, finally wiping her eyes.  “I’m just glad we convinced him to be intubated. Stubborn idiot,” she half-laughs.  “There’s basically no other treatment.”

 

“Yeah, well…” Travis sighs.  “He loves you, you know that.  You finally got to talk.”

 

“Yeah.”  She sniffs.  “He accepted, you know?  He said yes.  And then he wanted to do it right here and now, and I convinced him that I’d rather have an alive fiancé than a dead husband.”  She looks up into the sky. It’s still light out, and people are going about their days like nothing is wrong.  She wants to scream at the world, make it stop, make people _realize_ what is going on in that hospital room.

 

Lucas Ripley is in a medically induced coma and no one knows when or if he’ll come out of it.

 

It all depends on his breathing and healing, and Vic hates the uncertainty.

 

“So, the secret is definitely out,” Travis comments.

 

“Yeah.”  Vic sighs.   “But I don’t care.”

 

“I’ll stand up for you,” he says, putting an arm around her, pulling her close.  “And so will 19.”

 

“I know,” she sniffs.  “Even though they’re probably shocked.”

 

“I left Jack to explain,” he says, and the thought of Jack explaining almost makes Vic laugh. 

 

“I guess I better go inside and talk.”  She stands up shakily.  “I need to discuss things with Jennifer too.”

 

“He’ll get better, Vic, you know it.”  Travis says, taking her hand.

 

“Yeah,” she says, but she knows she doesn’t sound as confident as she’d like.  “I can’t lose him.”

 

* * *

 

“So, who knew about Hughes and the Chief?”  Andy finally asks, looking around the waiting room. 

 

“I did,” Jack says, raising his hand.  “I’ve known since pretty much the beginning.”

 

“I knew,” Sullivan answers.  “Luke let it slip.”

 

“Vic told me,” Travis says, as he and Vic enter the room.  Vic is happy to see that most of the firefighters were leaving the halls and only a small contingent of upper brass were staying for a bit longer.  Passing by _them_ had been weird, but she held her head high and said nothing, and they did nothing but glance at her and then glance back at each other.

 

“And – and how _long_?” Maya asks, frowning. 

 

“Since Dean’s birthday,” Vic replies, sitting down in a chair.  “We got together for a drink and things…happened.”

 

“I’m still annoyed Jack knew before I did,” Travis mutters under his breath, but Vic doesn’t pay him any mind. 

 

“My birthday? You’ve held this secret for _months_?”  Dean looks shocked – and truthfully, the rest of the team does too.

 

“Yes, I did, okay?  Both our careers were on the line – still are, to be frank – so we had to keep it under wraps.  And at first it seemed like it was just a one-and-done but we realized we couldn’t keep away from each other.”  She puts her head in her hands.  “I just really…do not want to deal with an interrogation at this point, okay?”

 

“Hughes is right.” Sullivan stands up.  “Let’s get back to the station.”

 

“Actually,” Vic says, standing up, “I need to talk to Jennifer, if that’s all right.” 

 

Jennifer looks up from her chair in the corner, away from the firefighters, Captain Herrera and Ryan Tanner.  The woman had taken to the chair after coming back from seeing Lucas and hasn’t moved since.  “Of course, Vic.” 

 

Vic waits until the rest have filed out of the room, before coming over.  “I – um –”

 

“You convinced him to _live_!”  The older woman puts down her tissue and holds out her arms for Vic. “I tried but I couldn’t.”

 

Vic instantly steps into them.  The two hug and cry for a moment, whether it be in relief or grief, no one knows.  “I just couldn’t let him leave,” Vic says after.  They separate but keep holding hands.  “I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

 

“I don’t either,” Jennifer murmurs.  “I have to go see him again – will you come with me?”

 

Vic wants to say no, that she can’t see him like that, but knows she has to.  “Yeah,” she nods, “I’ll come with you.”

 

* * *

 

The next few days pass in a blur.  They transfer Lucas to Grey Sloan Memorial. His condition stays the same.  She stays with Maya and Andy – Maya graciously giving up her bedroom – so that she doesn’t have to return to her apartment and the bed she and Lucas shared.

 

She works on Sunday, even though Sullivan offers to let her have it off.  She needs the work. 

 

She needs to keep busy. 

 

Monday, she spends hours with him at the hospital.  Jennifer is there too, and they don’t really speak, just sit there.  They share hospital food and sit vigil.

 

Tuesday: more of the same. 

 

Wednesday: there’s steady improvement on his chest radiogram and CT.  They stop calcium gluconate because his serum Ca+ is in the normal range.  He’s still not out of the woods yet, Dr. Pierce and the Medical Toxicologist Dr. Butler warn, but he’s improving at a steady rate, and perhaps in another five or seven days they can remove the intubation.

 

On Thursday, Sullivan calls and says the team is going to Los Angeles to help out with the wildfires for two weeks.

 

She doesn’t have a choice – she has to go.

 

“I’ll keep you apprised of everything that happens,” Jennifer says, holding Vic’s hands in hers. 

 

Vic nods.  It’s all she can do to keep from crying.

 

* * *

 

 

Vic has been to Los Angeles before, but never like this.  They’re one of many fire departments that answered the call for help: they meet people from Montana (no one that Sullivan knows, however) and Arizona and Oregon and Texas.  The first day is rough, and she’s in a dark mood.

 

Lucas is in a coma, and she’s not there to watch.

 

Her mood worsens as time goes on – even as Lucas gets better.

 

“They’re going to wake him up tomorrow.”  Jennifer says on their second day of fighting wildfires.  “They think he’s shown enough improvement that he can breathe on his own now, that his blood gases are at normal levels.  Dr. Butler explained it in more technical terms, of course.”

 

“I’ll miss it,” Vic says.  “I can’t be there.”

 

“I’ll call you for him, and you can talk.” Jennifer promises, but Vic knows it isn’t the same thing.

 

And sure enough, it isn’t.

 

“Victoria,” he says over the phone.  His voice is raspy from disuse.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”  She moves to the side of the mess tent where all the personnel are eating – and she should be too, since they never know when they’re going to be called out again.  Eating and sleeping are luxuries while they’re out in LA.  “How are you feeling?”

 

“Alive,” he says, and her heart hurts. 

 

“I am so glad,” she says, trying to stop tears from falling.  “So, so glad.”

 

“I’m still stuck in the hospital for at least another week on antibiotics.  And then Dr. Pierce still has to do my heart surgery.”

 

“You’ll do great,” she says.  “I’ll be home in ten days.”

 

“I’m keeping count,” he says.  “I love you so much.”  He starts to cough.

 

“He’s still on oxygen, just not intubated anymore,” Jennifer comes on to explain.  “There’s damage to his lungs – they’re putting him on antibiotics, so he doesn’t get any worse, but he still has a while to go.”

 

“Thank you,” Vic says, and means it.  “You’re staying until I get there?”

 

“Of course.”  A pause.  “Stay safe, Vic.”

 

“I will.”

 

Her fiancé is awake and still fighting for his life, for his health, and she can’t be there.  It hurts, like an open wound.  Her team, even Travis, tread carefully around her, and she tries to throw herself into the mission but can’t.

 

Lucas, her mind says, Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.

 

Their time together before – before the coffee plant, before his near-death – they were in a bubble.  That bubble has burst in the worst possible way, and now she’s trying to figure out how to right things.  It’s impossible to unburst that bubble, and even if it were, being in a bubble is not the way she wants to be.  She wants it all, with her Lucas. 

 

It’s all consuming.  _He’s_ all consuming.

 

* * *

  

They’re sent to help evacuate a neighborhood and keep it from going up in flames.  There’s a missing cat – Dean ridiculously agrees to find the thing and bring it back.  A couple refuses to evacuate.  The man loses his hand.  Sullivan and Andy are separated from the rest and have to be picked up as they flee the neighborhood.

 

Dean finds the blasted cat.

 

She watches Travis flit – and flirt – around a CalFire tech named Dylan. 

 

She watches Andy and Sullivan dance around _something_.

 

She falls asleep when she can, imagining Lucas’s arms around her.

 

They talk every day – his voice grows stronger.  His lungs get better and better.  He’s still in the hospital but growing bored of it.  Jennifer and she still talk, almost as much as she talks with Lucas.  Lucas comments about getting visitors from the department, including Captain Conlin.

 

Captain Conlin, who had the same exposure that Lucas had, but somehow wasn’t as badly off.  His leg is still healing, but he didn’t have to be intubated. 

 

It’s not fair, part of her protests.

 

Lucas is alive, another part points out.

 

That’s all that matters.

 

They head back to Seattle. 


	2. Chapter 2

It’s not all sunshine and roses.

 

“He was fine yesterday on the phone,” Vic says.  Lucas is asleep.  Jennifer looks weary. 

 

“It’s a no-something or other pneumonia,” Jennifer explains.  “Which means he got it while being in the hospital.  His risk factors were high – he’s been on a ventilator, he’s on other antibiotics, he has heart trouble.  Dr. Pierce explained it all to me.”

 

Vic sits down, takes Lucas’s hand in hers.  “This is just one thing after another,” she mutters.  “I can’t –”

 

“You should go home and rest,” Jennifer says, putting a hand on Vic’s shoulder.  “You just got back after driving over twenty hours and the two weeks before that were not fun and games.  You need to rest.”

 

“I need to be here with him,” she mutters, but stands up.  “You’ve been stuck here; you should go to his apartment and rest.”

 

“I’ll go once you’ve had some rest.”  Jennifer hugs her close.  “You need the rest more than I do.”

 

“Jennifer is right, Travis says from the hallway.  “Come on, Vic, I’ll drive you home.”

 

Vic feels as if it isn’t her body being led out of the hospital room.  “I know you want to stay,” Travis says, leading her through the halls of the hospital, “but you need to rest.  I know you haven’t really been resting in Los Angeles.”

 

“Lucas,” is all Vic says, but it’s all she needs to say.

 

“Is alive.  And fighting to keep that way.”  Travis stops and faces her, takes both her hands in his.  “He’ll want you to keep healthy.”

 

“Right,” she says.

 

“You can’t see him if you get sick, remember that.”

 

“Right.”

 

They go to her apartment, and she pulls on his t-shirt.  She tries to tease Travis about Dylan, but her heart isn’t completely in it, and she falls asleep troubled.

 

* * *

 

 

“I love you,” is the first thing he says when she walks into his room.  She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

 

“I love you too.”  She crosses over to his bed, takes the chair Jennifer just vacated to go rest herself. 

 

“I’m sorry, Eggy.”  She leans forwards and cups his cheek.  “This entire thing…”

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” she says. 

 

“I’m responding to the new antibiotics,” he comments, taking her other hand and squeezing it.  “Dr. Pierce says I’ll probably be stuck in here a week or so.  And * _then_ * they can do my surgery.”

 

“It’s okay,” she says. 

 

It’s not okay.

 

* * *

 

 

She falls asleep holding his hand.  Eventually Dr. Pierce comes and tells her that she’ll have to come back in the morning.

 

She manages to drive home.

 

She manages to fix herself food.

 

She manages to fall asleep…and dreams that he’s dead.

 

She wakes up in a cold sweat.

 

She doesn’t go back to sleep.

 

Instead she makes a pot of tea, using her grandmother’s tea pot she inherited, and sits in the living room with the blinds shut, closing her eyes and calling up the days in her memory, where he would come home after a day at work and just plop onto the couch, cuddling her. 

 

She shivers and covers herself with a blanket instead.

 

He’d come home and lay the blanket over her shoulders while she watched TV.  He’d sit down next to her, kick off his shoes, and pull the blanket over them both.  He’d come home and see her sitting there, and go to the kitchen to start on dinner, if she hadn’t already.

 

She has a picture of him standing in her kitchen, stirring pasta sauce on the stove.

 

She runs her hands through her hair.  “Just remember that he’s alive,” she mutters.  “He’s going to make it.”

 

* * *

 

“I feel awful, but I’m awake, so that’s a good sign,” he says.  She squeezes his hand.

 

“I’m glad.”  She pauses.  “Not that you feel awful.  But that you’re awake and it’s a good sign,” she corrects. 

 

He laughs but ends up coughing instead. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she mutters, once he’s stopped coughing.

 

“Oh, Eggy, I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”  He tells her he loves her multiple times a day now.   He makes sure it’s the last thing he says to her, and she always replies that she loves him too.  Her last words to him were almost “okey dokey,” after all. 

 

“I’ll be fine,” he insists, reaching for her hand.  “I just have to get better.”

 

“Yeah,” she snorts, “get better.  That’s looking easier said than done at the moment, hubby.”

 

“Yeah,” he smiles, “that’s true.  But I _am_ getting better.  Slowly,” he admits, “but still.”

 

They sit in silence for a moment.  Finally, he rolls to his side, wincing.  “I still want to marry you.”

 

“That – that’s a very good decision, because I still want to marry you too.”  She huffs a laugh.  “Don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easy.”

 

“Good.” He looks into her eyes.  “I’d marry you today if we could.”

 

She blinks.  “Technically…”  She hasn’t planned on getting married today but isn’t against it either.

 

“Technically, we can’t.”  He sighs.  “I did some research while you were in LA.  We have to apply for a marriage license and then wait three days after it’s issued.”

 

“Can we mail it in?  You’re still stuck in the hospital.” 

 

“We can, but it will probably take longer – it can take up to a month, I read somewhere.”  He sighs.  “I just want to be with you.”

 

“I just want to be with you too.”  She pulls out her phone.  “What about planning the wedding?”

 

He smiles.  “I think I’m up to that.”

 

“Good.”  She kisses his hand.  She’d kiss his lips, kiss him properly, except she had been warned away from that by Dr. Pierce, who didn’t want her to get sick.  “I don’t care about the wedding, honestly; I just want to get married to you as soon as possible.”

 

She Googles “quick wedding seattle”, showing him the phone.

 

“I don’t know if I like calling our wedding ‘last minute.’” Vic frowns at the Google search.  She skips the first option: they don’t want a Vegas style wedding, she doesn’t think. The second link is an article, but the third looks somewhat promising.  She taps it to open the site.

 

“I know, Eggy.”  Lucas leans forwards and lays a kiss on her temple.  “But this place,” he points, “says they’ll do the license and the ceremony, and we won’t have to deal with paperwork or anything.”

 

“Seattle Wedding Officiants? Hmm.”  Vic clicks on the website and scrolls through it.  “Where would we want to hold the ceremony?  Do we want a ceremony or just a quick signing of documents?”

 

“Do we want photos?”  Lucas points further down on the website.  “Do we want guests there?”

 

Vic clicks on a link for the marriage license application.  “She’s offering to do the marriage license legwork for us.  This is really tempting: just have it done and over with.”

 

“You’re so romantic,” Lucas teases. 

 

“I’m just impatient.” Vic grins.  “I want to be married to you as soon as possible.” 

 

“The feeling is mutual, Eggy, but I want you to have a real wedding experience.”

 

“And I’ve told you, I don’t care.”  She leans her head against his shoulder.  “Let’s call this Kelly person and see if we can figure some things out.”

 

“Sounds good to me.” 

                                          

Talking to Kelly goes great.  She has time to come and meet them on Monday and will bring everything she and they need to complete and notarize their marriage license – she’ll even get it filed that day and pick it up for them.  They’ll talk then about the actual marriage and what they want. 

 

Vic doesn’t want to leave the hospital, but she can tell Lucas is getting tired and feeling worse, so she bids him goodbye and leaves.

 

That night, instead of dreaming of him dying, she dreams of him living.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ripley has nosocomial pneumonia otherwise known as hospital acquired pneumonia (HAP), which you actually are higher risk for if you're on IV antibiotics like he's been for the last week, story wise. I have some articles about it if you're interested.
> 
> [Seattle Wedding Officiants](http://seattleweddingofficiants.com/last-minute-wedding/) does exist but the proprietor's name is Elaine not Kelly. I didn't want to bring this into RPF realm though, so Kelly is purely fictional.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> I've tried to do as much research as someone who isn't in the field of medicine or toxicology can, but basically I'm borrowing [this paper's case 1](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2FPL00014634) to base Lucas off of. Hit me up if you want a full copy of the article.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


End file.
